Balancing zeal with a deeper walk in Yah
🌿 Editor’s Note: In this heartfelt devotional, Sister Deanna shares how Yahuah transformed her study time from striving to intimacy—teaching her to seek His presence rather than simply His knowledge.
As you read, may her reflections during the Omer season inspire you to slow down, surrender, and delight in the beauty of drawing near to Him.
Shabbat Shalom, sisters!
In praying about what to share—about how Yah is working in me during this Omer season—I was led to share my responses to two of the reflection points from our Assembly devotional.
Growth Since Last Shavuot
The first is from Week 1, Question 1, which asks:
“What areas of my life have shown growth since last Shavuot, and what steps can I take to foster that growth?”
One major area of growth for me over the past year is in my daily study time with Him.
My walk with Yah started only a few months before last Shavuot. I remember being so excited as the scales fell from my eyes and I was being entrusted with revelation of Yah’s Word. I felt like a little kid who just discovered their passion for a new favorite sport.
Have you ever heard that saying that some kids eat, sleep, and breathe baseball—or whatever their favorite sport is? Well, that was me!
I woke up thinking, breathing, and obsessed with figuring out more of Yah’s Word, and I went to bed excited, thinking about what else I could try to figure out the next day.
Now, while that passion is a good thing, how I was applying it became a challenge for me. In case you missed it, it started becoming about what I could figure out.
I wanted to study everything—all at the same time, all at once. I didn’t want to waste time on anything else because I was determined to figure it all out as fast as possible.
In not wanting to waste time on anything else, I bordered on neglecting work, exercise, healthy eating, and some days even fun, silly time with my family.
Because I was trying to study and figure out everything all at once in my own vein, I started to get frustrated that there wasn’t enough time to study more—or that I wasn’t making quick enough progress on some topic.
Neglectful and frustrated—I wasn’t supposed to neglect the things of my life Yah entrusted me to steward, and I definitely was not supposed to feel frustrated in studying Yah’s Word.
Learning to Rest in Him
Well, praise Yah for growth over this past year!
Through prayer and surrender of my study time to Him, Yah has helped me to understand and find joy in the time spent with Him—and not in the pursuit of having it all figured out.
He showed me that the passion I have for studying His Word is ultimately because I’m so in love with Him and crave a close relationship with Him.
Keep the zeal in my study time, but don’t allow it to distract me from the main pursuit—a passion to know Him more through His Word, which leads me to a deeper intimacy with Him.
Yah helped me to understand this better by allowing me to reflect on my relationship with my husband during this Omer counting, as we recently celebrated our wedding anniversary.
An Analogy of Love
When I think about the time I get to spend with my husband, I don’t get lost in asking him hundreds of questions or set out to know every single detail of every single second to make a precise chart or timeline of his day from minute to minute.
No. I ask him about his day for an understanding of what it was like—enough to feel a part of his day and to care about what he cared about that day.
But as he speaks, I am listening, and in that desire to feel close to him, I stare at his face and sometimes hold his hand as he talks.
I admire the little nuances of his facial expressions, and I enjoy the sound and inflections of his voice as he shares. I listen for his heart beyond just the words spoken.
I may notice a new salt-and-pepper sprout in his beard or the glow in his cheeks from being in the sun all day.
I feel grateful for the time I get to share with him and remember it’s a gift not to be taken for granted.
I actively love him in my heart and mind as he speaks, through my fully devoted attention to him.
And this is what Yah showed me—my time with Him should be like this.
Shifting My Study Time
So now, I start my study time with Yah by asking Him what He has for me that morning, and then I lean into the time—like I do with my hubby.
I ask, “Where do You want me to go in Your Word today, Yah? And how can I grow closer to You?”
Instead of trying to plow through it all to figure it all out, sometimes He keeps me in an ongoing study, but other times He moves me—even while, by my own standard, some topic isn’t “done.”
But you know what else I’ve realized? Nothing I study about is ever really done.
I’m always learning and growing, even in topics I thought I already knew or understood. He takes me deeper yet.
A Call to Ongoing Growth
Jeremiah 33:3 tells us:
“Call unto Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things not yet known.”
As I count the Omer this year, I recognize the significance of my part in continually praying Psalm 139:23–24, so that I may be a dwelling place for the Ruach ha’Qodesh:
“Search me, O Elohim, and know my heart.
Try me, and know my thoughts.
See if there be any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Yah has shown me that the intimacy I crave with Him can only be pursued with His Ruach.
The Deep Things of Elohim
Scripture tells us:
“But as it is written: Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which Elohim has prepared for them that love Him.
But Elohim has revealed them unto us by His Ruach. For the Ruach searches all things—yes, the deep things of Elohim.
For what man knows the things of a man, save the ruach of a man which is in him? Even so, the things of Elohim knows no man, but by the Ruach Elohim.
Now we have received not the ruach of the world, but the Ruach which is of Elohim, that we might know the things that are freely given unto us by Elohim.”
— 1 Corinthians 2:9–12
Loving Yah With All My Heart
In continuing to reflect on my passion for Yah, I am also sharing my response from Week 4, Question 10, because it really directs my pursuit of intimacy with Yah each day.
The question asks:
“What is one piece of wisdom from the Torah that has deeply affected my life, and how do I apply it?”
Deuteronomy 6:5 says:
“And you shall love Yahweh your Elohim with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.”
This is a piece of wisdom that I reflect on and aspire toward.
Part of my morning prayer is that Yah helps me embody this each day, and I reflect each night to examine if and where I may have fallen short, so that I may walk it out better the following day.
HalleluYah!
Praise Yah for the opportunity to reflect on growth, to testify to His goodness, and for the opportunity to share with you, sisters—all to the glory of Elohim.
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of Elohim.”
— 1 Corinthians 10:31
Amein.
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WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
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Dear Sister Deanna, thank you for sharing the ways Yah is transforming you as you surrender to His lead in building intimacy with Him. This was so beautifully written. Your forthrightness and humility shines out and is a motivator for preferring that Yah- time- intimacy above simple “head- knowledge.” Praise Yah!